By Emily Schilling
They look innocent enough: tiny, smooth, brightly colored, sweet nuggets that rest so invitingly in Easter baskets amid cellophane “grass.”
Why then do they threaten me so? Evil shouldn’t lurk within a jelly bean!
OK, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit when I say “evil.” But since I remember when the only dangers from eating jelly beans were a toothache or a loose filling (both significant risks), it’s a bit jarring to risk devouring something that tastes like dead fish!
But if your “friendly” neighborhood Easter Bunny is really more of a “wascally wabbit,” he has plenty of options to reveal his jelly bean mean streak.
Jelly Belly, the California-based company that has manufactured jelly beans since 1960, offers mouthwatering flavors like pomegranate, wild blackberry, mango and lemon drop. But, under its Harry Potter’s Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans and Beanboozled brands, Jelly Belly’s flavors are far less inviting.
Vile choices like ear wax, rotten egg, dirt and Professor Dumbledore’s most dreaded flavor, vomit, are included in boxes of Bertie Bott’s beans. Beanboozled gets even more creative in its offerings: canned dog food, stinky socks, lawn clippings and skunk spray. Though I can honestly say I have no idea what any of those things taste like, I have no desire to find out. Yet these jelly beans are meant to fool the unsuspecting — they look exactly like the delicious fruity jelly beans that Ronald Reagan himself coveted. Here’s something else: you can actually “enjoy” Beanboozled as part of a Jelly Bean Challenge game during which your friends and family can tempt the fates and try to guess which flavors are yucky and which are yummy.
April 22 is National Jelly Bean Day. May the odds be in your favor if you take the challenge.
EMILY SCHILLING is editor of Indiana Connection